Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
