i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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