we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
