Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
