Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
