I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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