In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
