Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
