If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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