so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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