so that wasnt chicken after all
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
