Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
no, he came in my armpit
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
As shirtless as possible
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
