You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
