Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
