i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
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Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
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I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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