Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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