Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
