I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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