my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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