There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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