I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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