Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
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When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
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No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Boobs are out for the taking
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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