I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND