I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You're like the curious george of whores
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.