You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.