I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together