i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.