Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
