New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"