is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
