I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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