im about as happy as oj after his trial
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
