end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
