HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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