sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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