now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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