I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
