Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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