I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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