When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
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Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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