I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
