I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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