After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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