Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
