I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
