so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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