he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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