Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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