the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
