Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Alive.
So much puke
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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