...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
