we have officially lost it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
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i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
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Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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