Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
dude. I can hear the air.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
