TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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