right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
