the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
