Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
