so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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