u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize