I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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