That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just threw up on my dentist
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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