I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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