ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
