bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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