Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
