what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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