i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
