remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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