how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
