So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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