I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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