He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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