I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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