new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
