Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
