I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just threw up on my dentist
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
