thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
