my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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